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Author: Rose C.
So we were just walking back from the Woodland Mall which is just a mile or so from Calvin. We'd taken a special path which leads us through a lovely residentual area of Grand Rapids.
And suddenly - we came to this beautiful lake that was surrounded by weeping willows and other beautiful trees. At first it was so beautiful that I didn't even notice the ducks.
But as Mackenzie was showing me a crane she's spotted on the other side of the lake, I spotted three ducks (a mother and two babies) on the side of the lake we were on. They were down by the water, about twenty feet away from us.
Now if I'd just kept my mouth shut maybe none of this would've happened but I love ducks so I said, "Oh, look, ducks!"
Everybody looked and said, "Awww!"
The ducks promptly started trotting up thwoards us, quacking, thinking that we had food to give them.
"Sorry, ducks, we don't have anything to give you," Daryl said.
"But I want to feed them!" Emily said, making a sad face.
"But we don't have anything to feed them," I said.
"Why don'we we just feed them Emily?" Daryl said to me and Mackenzie.
"We can come back tomorrow and feed them," Mom said.
"What can we feed them?" Mackenzie asked.
"We have goldfish crackers in the dorm," I said.
"No, no, we can give them some of that nasty, moldy toast from the dining hall," Daryl said. (Actually, I'd never noticed that it was moldy or nasty but I knew what he meant.)
"Yeah," I agreed.
"They'll like that," Mackenzie said. "Come on, let's keep going."
"Okay," I said. " 'Bye, ducks!"
" 'Bye, ducks!" Daryl and Mackenzie echoed.
We kept walking. We'd gone about 10 feet when we saw that Emily wasn't coming with us. Well, she was, but she was dragging behind us.
"Look!" she said. "They're following us!"
"Who's following us?" Dazee asked, turning around.
"The ducks!" Emily told her. "They're so cute!"
Daryl and Mackenzie and I looked at each other and tired not to laugh.
"What do you bet she'd invite them into our dorm if she could?" I asked Mackenzie.
"Yes," Mackenzie said. "She'd probably take a shower and invite them in with her."
Rob heard what we were talking about and turned around. "Or she'll put them in the bathtub in one of those bathrooms in the hall," he said.
"Or in the toilet!" Daryl said.
Mackenzie and I laughed so hard when we thought about that we almost fell off the path.
"And she'd lean over to watch them and get her head wet," he continued.
We laughed harder.
"And then she'd hafta go to the bathroom and then what would she do with the ducks?" I asked.
We didn't have an answer for that one.
I looked back to see Emily. She was still making sure that the ducks were following us. "Pick up the pace!" she yelled to them.
Daryl and Mackenzie and I looked at each other and started cracking up. Emily turned around and yelled, "Look, they're going faster!"
"Oh, yeah, now they're going one and a half miles per hour instead of one mile per hour," Daryl said.
I laughed and turned around to look at e-mail. We were almost to the chapel now. "Give it up, Emily!" I yelled.
"Nooo!" she said. "I won't let them go!"
Now I don't remember exactly how we managed to get her away from the ducks but somehow we did.
"What were you going to do with them?" I asked her. "Bring them into our dorm?"
"Yes," she said, trying (but not doing a very good job) to keep a straight face.
"I told you, I told you!" I said to Mackenzie. Then, to Emily, "Where were you going to put them in the dorm?"
"I'd make them a bed," she said, laughing. (She seemed to find the whole thing extremely hilarious.)
"Where?" Mackenzie and I asked.
"They could have the extra bed in their suite," Emily said, still laughing, and pointing to Rob and Daryl.
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure Rob wanted quacking all night," I said. "So how would you have gotten them up to the dorm room?"
"And what would you have said to the person in the lobby?"
"I'd say I was talking the ducks up to my room," she said, not able to stop laughing.
"Oh, yeah. I'm just taking a duck up to my room."
She was laughing too hard to answer.
"You're crazy," Mackenzie told her.
"Hey, what would you do with the ducks when camp ended?" I asked Emily.
"Take them to my house," she said, still laughing.
"Like the Shreves would let you take some ducks in their car," I said.
" 'Kenzie's marmee and dapoo (that's what 'Kenzie calls her mom and dad) would let me...."
"No they wouldn't," Daryl and Mackenzie said together.
She made a pouty face.
"Besides," I said to her, "ducks are wild animals. It wouldn't be fair to keep them locked up in the dorm room. And they'll need to fly south in the summer when it gets cold up here."
"I could help them," she said, her voice getting high and whiny. "Like Fly Away Home."
"More like Fly Away Dorm," Daryl said, laughing at his idea.
"Fly Away Dorm," Dazee repeated, laughing. Turning to me, she said, "You should write a story about this, Rose."
"And call it Fly Away Dorm," Daryl said.
"I will," I promised. "And you guys can help me."
Author: Tristan Shepherd
Posted: July 6, 1998
Now life is peaceful, and all that live yet are at peace with one another. We live our lives from day to day, and wander where we will. We have adapted to these living conditions better than most.
All the animals are our friends, by their own free will they obey us. None of us would ever wish for the ice to melt. Life is so much better now.
Only the strongest can survive, that's what this life has taught us. The men, they used to rule us, but now they're frozen up. Now WOMEN RULE THE EARTH!
Posted: July 6, 1998
Shawn "The Kosher Clemens Express" Clemens was one of the best Jewish ballplayers and one of the best ballplayers of his time w/over 400 wins under his belt. He had 100 perfect games with 27 strikeouts each in his first 2Ĺ seasons. He was in the All-Star game in each of his MLB seasons of his career. He was always the starter in each.
But after his MLB record 30th season, something happened to his arm. He had already had a record of 1,154 wins, a record zero losses, a record 9,232 innings pitched, no saves as he has always been a starter, and a major record of 31,164 strikeouts (an avg. of 25 strikeouts/9 innings). His arm was badly hurting. He went to the teamís doctor in New York.
"So, Dr. Johnson, what has exactly happened to my arm?" asked the star pitcher Shawn Clemens.
"Well, Shawn, I am afraid that you have injured your right elbow," responded Dr. Will Johnson, the teamís New York-based doctor for the Yankees.
"Do I have any choices?" asked the Kosher Clemens Express.
"Yeah, you can have Tommy John surgery and sit out this upcoming season. You can have Tommy John surgery and end your career immediately. Or you can choose not to have surgery and jeopardize our career. Do me a favor?" said the doctor.
"What is that favor?" Shawn asked.
"What ever your choice is, just do kvetch about anything," Will told him.
"I think tight I have decided not to pitch next season by having Tommy John surgery this year, and you have my word. I will not kvetch," said Clemens.
"Great, come back tomorrow at 9:00 AM in the morning," replied Johnson.
"Okay, sounds great," Shawn said. He then left with his wife of 28 years, and a beautiful mother of three kids (Nathan Scott, 20 Rebecca Leah, 15 Jonathan Richard, 10).
One season later, he had started a new season after he completely recovered from Tommy John surgery. He threw harder than he ever did before. He fastball was timed at 110 mph. He had to refrain from the curve as those had hurt him to throw them.